I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
