i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
