I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize