I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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