I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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