hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
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