I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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