CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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