as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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