Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
