Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
