Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
