there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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