did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
