we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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