New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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