his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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