Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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