first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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