FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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