Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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