My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
