ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
