it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
