bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
