No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
