I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
