it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
