Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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