The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
