my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
