That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
