I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Randomize
