my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
did i just pee glitter
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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