Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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