While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
