I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
The beer is more important than you right now.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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