I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
he fucked my hip out of place.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
