If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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