nut hugger
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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