I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
