How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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