I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
