We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Two words: nipple clamps
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