I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
