he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize