we have pet lesbian snakes
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize