what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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