I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
