It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
