I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
