you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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