Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
