I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
