i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
