im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
We're too hungover to prance.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize