This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
