pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I still have a little drunk in my system
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
