the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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