dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize