Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Randomize
