ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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