His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
