Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
