i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize