So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
