absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
