is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
