i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
