Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
