do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
